obsessed with everything irrelevant.
if you ever feel bad about yourself remember that george bush was once informed that 4 brazilian people were killed in iraq and he responded ‘how many is a brazilian’
(via cemone-nicole)
(via khaaleesii)
some guy added me on facebook
and when i accepted
he sent me a message saying “who r u”
(via zusthoughts)
sO my friend’s dog died and she lives in new york city and so she had to take it to the vet by the subway and she put the dead dog in the suitcase on the subway and it was a pretty big dog and some dude saw that she was struggling with the suitcase so he asked if she needed help with it and he said do you mind me asking what’s in it and she didnt want to say a dead dog so shE SAID IT WAS A BUNCH OF LAPTOPS SO HE TOOK THE SUITCASE AND RAN AND I JUST
(via theagould)
- *hears noises at night*: well this is it this is the end for me I had a good life
- *gets shampoo in my eyes*: I guess I'm blind now how am I ever going to see my first born child
- *heart is beating fast*: I think I am having a heart attack is this what cardiac arrest is
- *a cop walks by*: here I go about to get arrested I probably murdered someone
- *taking a test*: don't take your eyes off of this paper you will get caught cheating and get kicked out of school and amount to nothing
- *gets a sunburn*: great now I have skin cancer how will I tell my parents
- *tripping over something*: I guess my leg will have to be amputated why did this happen to me
- *period is late*: shit i'm pregnant i'm the next virgin mary
